The Sweet Life of Zack and Cloudy
by Moonly.Sunkiss
Summary: Cloud felt his arm around his shoulder, holding him tight against his lean chest. The blond sighed and relaxed as he felt the man's chin on top of his head. Zack breathed once, and then said: “Welcome to the sweet life, Spikey.” Clack. First Instance.
1. First Instance: Ovum Materia 1

Hi! :) This is Moonly . Sunkiss! I'm also known as yamira_jean from LiveJournal. :)

This is a collection of Zack x Cloud oneshots and universes. Some are just oneshots. Others are scattered pieces of intricately-formed worlds of Clack. The introduction of this is somewhere at LJ (I'm not very proud of that intro... so I'll leave it there ;A;), so if you wanna take a look at it, drop by the community and join if you have time! :) The work is submitted by a member with the username **yamira_jean**.

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SUMMARY OF COLLECTION:  
Cloud felt his arm around his shoulder, holding him tight against his lean chest. The blond sighed and relaxed as he felt the man's chin on top of his head. Zack breathed once, and then said: "Welcome to the sweet life, Spikey."

SUMMARY OF FIRST INSTANCE:  
"Cloud, it's a privilege to enjoy life. But then, it's an even greater privilege to create it… especially with the one you love most."

DISCLAIMER:  
Moonly . Sunkiss does not own Final Fantasy VII - its characters, plot and title.

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*sigh* For some reason, my writing is better when I write for FFN. It's more… _flowery _and colorful. Like a gay Aerith 8'D LJ makes me cry, I hate it )'8 But that's where all the Clack action happens D: So I have to endure the pain. Nuuu.

Here. I bring more Clack. This is the first instance of _The Sweet Life of Zack and Cloudy_.

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**Ovum Materia #1** by Moonly . Sunkiss

"_Cloud, it's a privilege to enjoy life. But then, it's an even greater privilege to create it… especially with the one you love most."_

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Tifa looked away while Cloud _heaved_.

The blond savior of the Planet was kneeling down, dumping all unwanted content in his stomach in the unfortunate toilet. The busty bartender didn't want to sympathize with an object, much less a toilet – which was currently _devouring _a "mouthful" of Cloud-vomit – but even with fists of fury, the black-haired beauty had a _heart_. Besides, those fists of fury were going to have to _clean _the unfortunate toilet after the blond vomit-er is finished.

Unless he comes back to sully the poor toilet again. Oh, woe is Tifa – her job is _never _done.

'_Why is the bartender of all people doing that kind of work, anyway?' _She winced as the blond made a spewing noise, and she soothingly rubbed his back to alleviate any… back pains? _'The maid should be the one responsible for – oh yeah. We _have _no maid.'_ For they were too poor to even hire housekeep. Another woe for Tifa.

Her long-time best friend and love interest – though the latter would never develop into anything _more _than just that – finally stopped making those disgusting noises (they made Tifa want to vomit, too somewhat) and just rested his forehead on the edge of the seat. Apparently, vomiting is very serious business, because the twenty-something-year-old blond slid down to the tile floor in a heap of audible groans and moans.

Yes. Vomiting = Srz Bznz.

The blond mass of panting and wheezing didn't notice her kneeling down beside him, her hand placed on top of his messy, spiky golden hair. He groaned again when she started rubbing his head gingerly – but with her strength, she was probably crushing his skull already.

Not wanting to cause any more damage (his stomach going apeshit was enough), she just sat on the tile floor and looked at him.

It took her a couple of seconds to finally speak.

"Are you all right?" She wanted to smack her forehead for asking such a dumb, but oddly obligatory question. But she might accidentally send herself flying to a wall if she did. Tifa didn't know her own strength, after all. And after half-wrecking Aerith's church – she remembered Cloud going apeshit when he found out she destroyed the pews – she didn't want to take any chances. But still, asking a question that has a very _obvious _answer to it wasn't smart; especially if one's asking someone as bitter and sharp-tongued as the rage-in-a-bottle Cloud Strife.

Hopefully, he'd be too tired to even glare at her.

Luckily for Tifa, Cloud didn't budge from his position on the cozy tile floor. His head twitched a bit, signaling the busty woman that he heard her question. The groan that came afterwards told her that he was _not _amused by the stupid question, though. Tifa shrugged – at least she _asked_, right?

But no, emo-boy Strife didn't know how to appreciate the smaller things in life. It was always _Buster Sword this_, _Random Big-Ass Sword that_. Seriously, was Cloud compensating for something?

Tifa had to stop thinking right there. Cloud might've magically developed _mind-reading powers_, and she wants to be the _last _person who'd get caught thinking of unthinkable things about him. She grinned in triumph – pre-emptive thinking, you've done it again.

"Nggghhh…"

Tifa's eyes darted to a now-moving chocobo-haired male. But all traces of movement were wiped out by apparent fatigue and exhaustion. The woman had to wonder, at that: okay, was vomiting _really _srz bznz? Because usually people don't spend ten minutes on the floor after vomiting like crazy.

Her eyes softened and concern etched on her pretty features. She pulled her knees up against her chest and leaned her head closer to the blond in agony.

"Cloud, are you all right?" She didn't care if it was a stupid question, anymore – her friend's in _agony_. She _had _to ask.

Cloud begged to differ, though. "Why are you – _cough, cough_ – **asking **that question?" He finally found the strength to prop himself up with his elbows. He ducked his head, a little woozy still. He made faces as he tried to sit up, and Tifa could tell that it was a hard thing for him to do. Poor Cloudy.

The voluptuous woman tilted her head to the side before answering his question, "Because I'm worried. And I care for you, Cloud." She patted his bicep once. "You know that, right?"

"…yeah." He managed to sit up by using the toilet – ohh, toilet. You have more than one use, after all! – and looking at the unsightly arrangement of twirling muck inside the bowl, he frowned. He pulled a small lever that caused a roaring of pipes and a flushing of water. Bye, bye, vomit. Till later. "Of course, I know."

The bartender girl stood up to help her companion do the same. She put Cloud's arm over her shoulder and she hoisted the grumbling blond up. She had to smile at that – her friend didn't want to be a burden to anybody, so he automatically tries to be the best so that people would rely on him, not the other way around. This was probably hurting Cloud's pride a bit, but…

She shrugged. Whatever. All she needed to do right now was to bring Cloud to his room for him to get some rest. That's all.

The blond groaned as he ran a hand through messy, sweaty golden spikes of _anti-gravity-ness_. "Man. What did I _eat_…?"

"Told ya not to touch Yuffie's casserole." Tifa remarked, amused. She let the ninja-girl play in the kitchen just to shut her up, but she never expected the girl to actually come up with an output – a _dangerous_, _life-threatening _output at that. She cringed when she remembered having to throw the pot of Mysterious, Life-Endangering Food X in the garbage. Ugh. Good riddance.

Cloud also cringed at the memory – dammit, he didn't need to boke again! He shook his head in an attempt to get rid of the traumatic memory, but it didn't work. Great. Thanks a _lot_, Tifa.

"I didn't _touch _the monstrosity she called _sustenance_." He supplied rather venomously. Tifa had to roll her eyes at that. "I got to smell it, but that's it. Not one milligram of that unearthly substance entered my digestive track."

"Oh?" She came to a halt when the two of them were met by a closed, unmoving door. She glared at the door as if it deliberately didn't want to let them through. Curse you, inanimate object. Curse you. "Then what _did _you eat?"

"That's why I asked, 'what did I eat'. I didn't _know _what I ate that caused such a reaction." He half-glared at his friend, who just rolled her eyes at him as she opened the door – with her _foot_? – to let them inside. "Maybe it's something I _smelled_ –"

"Nothing smells strange in this inn, Cloud." Tifa cut him off before he even had the chance to finish his sentence. "The only strange smell around is a smell that reminds me _disgustingly _of VOMIT –"

"Hush, woman. My head _hurts_." Cloud cut _her _off before she had the chance to mock him while he was completely defenseless. Figures Tifa would take advantage of him like this. Well, not like _that_, but…

He shuddered. Eww.

Tifa snorted and plopped him down on the soft mattress. "Yeah, yeah. I'll shut up, my _queen_."

Cloud didn't bother to look at her when she made that comment. He just raised a gloved hand and pointed a finger up in the air comically. "Thank you, my loyal subject. Now be a good servant and fetch me some Cure materia. And them ol' reliable painkillers. And aspirin. Yes, everybody _loves _aspirin –"

"And apparently, a whack in the head, 'cause I think you're suffering from _confusion_." She remarked dryly. She then smiled and patted his knee kindly. "I'll get you some warm soup. How's that?"

The blue-eyed man groaned. "I'm dizzy, not _sick_."

"You might as well be," Tifa shot back before heading for the door. "You need to take care of yourself, you know. _He _wouldn't approve of you just nonchalantly treating something like this as a passing condition."

"Because it _is _a passing condition. And Zack's too much of a worry-wart to notice such small things." Despite the hurt his chest felt at hearing the name of his lost best friend, he smiled at remembering the times they spent together. Zack got injured a lot, and Cloud would usually be by his bedside, replacing the old bandages with new ones. Why they didn't just use Cure material, he didn't know. But when _he _got hurt? Man, the man acted as if the sky was falling. He chuckled at that – but the vibrations in his chest made him dizzier and he groaned, unconsciously grasping his navel.

"Gahh, my stomach _huuurts_."

"The bathroom's _that-a-way_ if ya need to do number two," She ignored Cloud's grunt of displeasure. "But if it's another episode of Vomit Falls, then don't bother calling me. I might get sick just by watching you go sick. Or hearing you. Whatever."

He scowled. "Thanks a _lot_, Tifa. Glad that I have such a _wonderful _friend who's willing to stay by my side till the end of time," He blinked at that. Shiva, where did _that _come from? Did _he _even _say _that?

Apparently, Tifa also found it weird. But she reacted in a different way, and that was by giggling.

"Cloud, you're acting so _strange _lately. One minute you're irritable because you're dizzy, then the next you're role-playing a sick queen, then next you reminisce about your late friend, and _then_…" She stifled a laugh and turned around to open the door. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you're actually _pregnant_, Cloud!"

"Yeah right. And Zack's the father!"

Tifa closed the door with a laugh, and when she left, Cloud's hands on his navel tightened.

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**END**

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Ooooh. XD End of Ovum Materia #1! :3 Hope you liked it, folks :) A bit of Cloud x Tifa there, huh? Mehh, it doesn't exist! 8'D I'm the author, and if I say it doesn't exist in this fic, IT DOESN'T.

Welcome to the Ovum Materia Universe – Mpreg Cloud! :)


	2. Second Instance: Bird Watching

Gah. I forgot to add the "Warnings" part last chapter. My bad, my bad… (forgot this isn't LJ XD)

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SUMMARY:  
"What the -- What the hell are you doing here, Fair?!" "...bird watching." "Huh? Bird watching? There ain't no birds here, yo!" "I know." Who needs logic?

WARNINGS:  
I advise those who are offended by retarded writing to evacuate the premises _immediately_. IMMEDIATELY (Mrs. Bennett tone). Slight OOC and chaos. More on chaos, though, but that's all in Zack's head. Maybe.

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Here's the second instance. :D Hope you likey.p

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**Bird Watching** by Moonly . Sunkiss

"_The boy ran a hand through his hair and shook his head to get rid of the unwanted sweat, causing an explosion of water beads around him. This all seemed rather normal behavior, but for the spiky-haired SOLDIER hiding in the bushes, it was the dance of a _god_."_

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Zack knew it was bad – as in, REALLY bad to do something as... uncouth as this – Zack rejoiced at using a cool, "big word" – but he later reasoned that no one in their right mind could blame him. No. Nononononono**no**. If anybody were in his SOLDIER-prescribed boots right now, he'd bet Sephiroth's Calvin Klein's that _that_person wouldn't blame him for doing this. No, COULDN'T blame him. No, nobody could really _blame_ him for doing this.

Right? He's right, isn't he? Come on, _answer_!

The violet-eyed SOLDIER smacked his forehead with the binoculars in his hands. Great, he was rambling to no one in particular. And worse, inside his _head_. That usually meant insanity, right? Well, he could always blame Hojo again, like he always does. He snickered as he thought about the old, psychotic coot. Everybody loves blaming Hojo. Heck, even Sephiroth did it.

"_If those mako injections do anything to my hair, then I'm blaming Hojo. And then I'll kill him."_

Let's all blame Hojo!

The self-proclaimed "most gorgeous SOLDIER on the Planet" sighed as a thought came into mind, successfully annihilating all traces of happiness inside him. Sadly, Zack couldn't blame Hojo for _this_, not even if he wanted to. He sighed and leaned forward, binoculars on his eyes, and his stance stealthy. He tried not to shake too much, not wanting to attract unwanted attention -- but shit, the bushes are so damn itchy!

Zack seriously hoped he wasn't hiding in a poison ivy bush like last time.

_'Dammit, why is it so itchy?'_ He shook his head, as if thinking that doing so would alleviate the itchiness. But no, it didn't (duh). In fact, it only made it worse. He moved to scratch his neck when something caught his attention. He stiffened and he immediately put the binoculars back on his eyes – observing, studying… _waiting_. He gasped, and then grinned to the nth power.

_There_ he is.

A trooper came out of the barracks. Others followed suit, but this one strayed from the group. He waved at the others who called to him, probably signaling them to 'go ahead'. The boy looked a little tired with the way he was huffing and panting. Laps again? Zack chuckled – the instructors assigned to new troopers were usually the worst. Spartans, they all were. SPARTAAAAAANS.

_Ahem_.

Zack squeezed the lens and rotated them around, causing his vision to either go blurry or clear. He then pressed a button that allowed his vision to zoom in even more. Now he felt closer to his "specimen". He grinned – thank you, SOLDIER-exclusive binoculars!

The small male looked around, as if to see if anybody was in sight. After a while, he shrugged and proceeded to take off his helmet. Then, in a flash, Zack's vision filled with sparkly gold and blue. Zack thought he was in _Heaven_. The boy ran a hand through his hair and shook his head to get rid of the unwanted sweat, causing an explosion of water beads around him. This all seemed rather normal behavior, but for the spiky-haired SOLDIER hiding in the bushes, it was the dance of a _god_.

Zack grinned in a goofy way, forgetting all about his itchy neck. He crept a little closer, bouncing in place like a love-struck fanboy. But again, you couldn't blame him, 'cause oh, _look_ at that majestic creature. So beautiful, so magnificent, so... so _full of life_. Those golden spikes, those B-E-A-U-tiful cerulean orbs of unmatched radiance! That small frame, lithe waist, slender body—

"What the – FAIR?"

The SOLDIER froze.

All the sparkly, glittering light immediately faded into ugly darkness. There was a massive explosion of thoughts and shouts and screams and _oh-my-fucking-Shiva-no-WAY_ in his head. Volcanoes erupted in his vision and he could swear the ground was shaking. The earth split, and he cascaded down the black abyss of nothingness – he was _caught_. Shit.

_'No, no, it couldn't be. Shit, please say it isn't him!'_The brave, daring and _heroic _SOLDIER gulped as he processed information in his mako-powered head. OK, Zack: _breathe_. It could be just your imagination. The spiky-haired turned his head so quickly, he was surprised he didn't get whiplash. He had to stop himself from cursing out loud when he found out who it was.

It was Reno. Shiva, kill him now.

The redhead looked at him with a half-irritated – why, hello to you _too_, Reno – and half-confused look on his face. Zack was sure why he was irritated (Zack didn't like Reno that much neither), and as for why he was confused...

Well, the first-class SOLDIER would probably be confused too if he saw himself crouched in a shrub with a pair of SOLDIER-exclusive binoculars in his hands.

"Uhh..." He supplied, looking around. Good, it was just Reno. Well, not that it was a _good _thing; Reno was Reno, and nobody liked dealing with the redheaded Turk. Well, on a regular basis. Zack suddenly felt a deep sympathy for Tseng. He scratched his head and looked at the blue-eyed Turk.

"Hi, Reno?"

The wide-eyed look on his face was almost amusing. Almost. "Hi? _HI_? You're acting all suspicious, crouched on the ground like some deranged pervert and all you could say is HI?" Reno said in a disbelieving tone. He was acting strangely indignant – and it hasn't even been a minute since he bumped into Zack – but the SOLDIER thought this was probably a normal thing. More sympathy points for Tseng. Now some for Rude. "What the fuck are you doing here, Fair?"

The violet-eyed male's face turned into a blank expression. He let his hands drop to the ground, letting the binoculars touch the ground a bit. He then faced a random direction, as if facing there would supply him the answer to Sinclair's question. After a few seconds of tense silence, the SOLDIER faced the Turk dude, blinked, shrugged and went back to spying on a certain blond-haired trooper.

To him, Reno wasn't there – in fact, he didn't even exist. Life would be easier that way.

But this served as an offense to Reno, and it made the Turk fume and growl out, "What the – you better turn around and answer me, yo! Why I oughtta—"

"Bird watching." There, he said it. Now, make like an egg and **beat** it.

The redhead stopped flailing in anger at the reply. He tilted his head in wonder. Reno looked around him, front and back, and looked up at the sky. He frowned, but it's not like Zack could see him frowning or anything.

He huffed, "Bird watching? There ain't no birds here, yo!"

"I know," Zack said. Who needs logic? SOLDIERS don't, that's fo' sho. Unless you're Angeal. Or Sephiroth.

"I don't get it. Why are you bird watching if there aren't any—" When Reno looked up to gaze at the barracks a few meters away, a thought dawned on him. And after seeing a small figure near it, everything made sense. He placed his hands on his hips, and a naughty grin lurked on his features.

"Oh, _I _know what you're doing." He declared high-and-mightily, as if he just received all the knowledge in the world. Zack wanted to roll his eyes, but he was too busy 'appreciating nature'. "You're peeping on the unassuming little troopers that arrived last month!" Ding-ding-ding-diiing! Score for Reno Sinclair! Turks: one; SOLDIER's: ZERO.

Zack couldn't care less as he flipped the Turk off – "WTF YO?" – and continued observing the Golden Chocobo.

"Uh-huh. Sure. Now go away. I'm off-duty and busy." Actually, he snuck out from his office and ran here to spy on an oblivious little trooper. Sephiroth's probably gonna shove Masamune up his ass when he gets back, but that's later and this is now. And now, the pretty little birdie is taking off his—

"Never thought you'd be a pervert, Fair. But why am I not surprised?" Reno did the most horrifying thing Zack ever thought he would do: the Turk knelt down next to him, took out his Turk-standard binoculars – "You're not the only one with the fancy-schmancy gizmos, fucker." – and joined him in bird watching.

And then, silence. Agonizing silence.

Then, to Zack's horror, Reno whistled. "_Whoooa._ Pretty golden birdie, spotted!"

"Forget it, Sinclair! I saw him first!" He shoved the Turk with his shoulder. "He's _mine_."

Sinclair lovingly returned the gesture. "Don't hog the space, you big cow!"

"_I'm _a cow?! Well, you're a pig!"

"That's what Elena keeps saying, but do you see _me _making a big deal out of it? Well, do ya?! NO!"

"That just means it's common knowledge, Sinclair!"

"Not as common as you being a First-Class _FLIRT_!"

"You flirt, too!"

"I don't do a sloppy job at it like you do, asshole!"

"Jackass!"

"Musclehead!"

"Son of a—" Zack's ears twitched, then all of a sudden, he felt the urge to scratch it. He gritted his teeth as he did so, displaying obvious discomfort.

"Crap, I'm itchy." Was he allergic to something? Probably to assholes – Reno was beside him, after all.

Then, to his horror (again), the blue-eyed Turk started scratching his neck. "Oh, shit. Now I'm itchy, too."

It was agonizing, the way the irritation attacked their exposed skins and caused them suffering beyond their wildest nightmares. And no matter how many times they scratched, the pain and discomfort only increasing with each scrape. They scratched and scratched till they both fell on their butts on the ground, itching and scratching till there's no tomorrow. Reno even started using his club to scratch his back, and in desperation, Zack snapped a branch to do the same.

"What kind of fucking bush is this?!" The redhead yelled, his eyebrows furrowed. "Don't tell me this is—"

"Do you think I fucking care?! MY BICEPS ITCH, DAMMIT!"

All the 'hey's' and the 'ow's' and the 'oh's' didn't go to unnoticed forever, though, as a tall, lean figure started walking towards the shaking bush. The man frowned and raised a delicate eyebrow. And using his long sword's blade, partitioned the bush to investigate. He could swear he heard a squeaky "yikes!" from within, which made him all the more curious…

His curiosity granted him the (ugly) sight of two scratching monkeys.

Zack squeaked first. "Eep! Sephiroth!"

_Estuans interius, ira vehementi—_

The Shin-Ra general scowled at the sight of them and regarded their current… positions with the utmost concern. Sephiroth crossed his arms on his chest, tapping Masamune's hilt. He positively looked _scary _from Zack and Reno's point of view, so one could really imagine what kind of horror is going through their minds as the long-haired general continued to stand there, all menacing and spooky-like. He looked as if he didn't want to know, but still, he asked, "Should I ask?" That question was _brill_.

"Oh, oh, umm, Seph—NO, THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!" Zack waved his hands in the air, but they didn't stay in the air for long, as his neck started to itch again. "Shiiiiit!"

"Yeah, it ain't like that, yo!" Reno scratched an itchy part on his cheek. The skin was already going red. "We're just—"

"Just what?"

"…_bird watching_."

The look on Sephiroth's face would've caused even Angeal to laugh his ass off. But Zack didn't have time to laugh, because he was too busy going "Nooooo!" when the silver-haired man bent down to pick up the violet-eyed SOLDIER's abandoned binoculars. Sephiroth put them on to see just what kind of _birds _they were _watching_.

And then, silence. Agonizing silence.

Then, to Zack's horror (yet again), Sephiroth took off the binoculars and stared at them with a highly-amused look on his face. He smirked, "Bird watching, huh?" No reply. He continued. "If you two have time peeping on poor, innocent, unsuspecting blond _chicks_, then I assume you two have ample time to pass a report on last week's Wutai raid on… let's say, _Tuesday_?"

Zack gasped. "Tuesday's tomorrow!"

Reno flailed. "I ain't no SOLDIER!"

"Keep up the good work, boys." He smirked. "You found quite… a marvelous specimen." He walked away, and Zack could swear his shoulders were convulsing.

Bastard.

They got out of the bush, still scratching, Reno sent Zack the dirtiest, most vile glare he could muster and spat, "I blame _you _for this, you asshole!"

Zack sighed and shook his head. He glanced behind him and cursed when the blond trooper went back inside the barracks. He scratched his head – not really because it was itchy, though – and faced a very _angry _Turk. He scratched his chin (_because _it was itchy).

He shook his head again and said, "No, Reno. Don't blame me; blame Hojo."

Because everybody _looooves _blaming Hojo.

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**END**

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That was stupid. X'DD LOL IKR, but still, wasn't it amuuuusing? :3 And lol, yes, I was inspired by the "I BLAME HOJO" icon you see everywhere. :3 Thanks for reading!

The next installment would probably take a while :) School's back after a week of suspension (due to the floods), and I need to prepare for another month of mindless learning. YEY LEARNING. *shot*

**Next Installment: The Man Who Loved Me #1**

"_Hello, I'm Zack. I'm the guy who used to date your late wife."_


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